Did you know that?
Did you know that while you're walking around minding your own business, everyone is curious what's up w/ you? Just don't be weird. Or rather, don't make people uncomfortable. Easier said than done? No. It's easy, just talk about whatever comes to mind as soon as it pops in your head. It's OK to have like 10 different conversation threads going on at once and jump around. Don't try and "say a line" that's clever or funny or CANNED, "so uh... how was your weekend ?" Say anything you want, just be GENUINE: "Hey so-and-so! How was YOUR weekend??"
I told my friend "the serious face gets answers." You can ask anyone anything and there's that split second right after you ask it where they look at your face to try and see if you have a hidden agenda - if maybe you're laughing at them inside. That split second is when they're figuring out, "are they asking this so they can JUDGE me or are they asking because they want to know about me?"
If the latter, they will always spill their guts. *IN THE CLUB* the past couple of weekends i'll be talking to a girl i met literally 30 seconds ago and she's telling me her passion in life and what she wants to be and do. IN THE CLUB! Why? because i'm genuinely curious about her. I think people are interesting as FUCK, which is why i like psychology so much. I'd love to find out what's unique and fun and interesting about everyone i meet and even people i haven't met yet. There's a story behind those eyes, and i'm dying to hear it.
And the thing is, those eyes tell you a lot. I can see the past in those eyes and know where they're coming from, how they feel about people and life NOW based on what happened BEFORE. But i don't know about their future, and that's the part that interests me most. People change, people have dreams, and people have fantasies, and they're usually afraid to say them out loud. for fear of JUDGEMENT.
Being non-judgemental is key. I've sat there SOLID AS A ROCK while a girl told me how her step brother raped her. It was devastating to hear of course, but you wouldn't know it by the look on my face. I've also sat there unreactive while a girl told me how she slept with 3 guys at once. Wow. My reaction is going to tell her how I feel and how SHE should feel, and since i'm a nonjudgemental person or even if i DO have an opinion, i want to see how she feels about it first so i keep a neutral face. Any of you who have taken Dr. Bass's Human Sexuality class know that face i'm talking about -- you can say anything to Dr. Bass and his expression won't change if he doesn't want it to. Before i give her a social cue from my reaction, i want to truly know how SHE feels about it. "What do you think about that?" "How do you feel about that?"
Is there a time to judge? Yes, when they ask you to judge them. When they show attitude or bitchiness or TEST/CHALLENGE you to see if you're strong enough to handle them. That's when you flex your social muscle a little bit -- just enough so they know that you can do it if you need to. Other than that, have some genuine interest in people. Greet them with the all-powerful WARM SMILE and remember that the serious face gets answers.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you truly get to know someone. No one will open up to you when they're constantly on guard worrying how you'll judge them.
Did you know that while you're walking around minding your own business, everyone is curious what's up w/ you? Just don't be weird. Or rather, don't make people uncomfortable. Easier said than done? No. It's easy, just talk about whatever comes to mind as soon as it pops in your head. It's OK to have like 10 different conversation threads going on at once and jump around. Don't try and "say a line" that's clever or funny or CANNED, "so uh... how was your weekend ?" Say anything you want, just be GENUINE: "Hey so-and-so! How was YOUR weekend??"
I told my friend "the serious face gets answers." You can ask anyone anything and there's that split second right after you ask it where they look at your face to try and see if you have a hidden agenda - if maybe you're laughing at them inside. That split second is when they're figuring out, "are they asking this so they can JUDGE me or are they asking because they want to know about me?"
If the latter, they will always spill their guts. *IN THE CLUB* the past couple of weekends i'll be talking to a girl i met literally 30 seconds ago and she's telling me her passion in life and what she wants to be and do. IN THE CLUB! Why? because i'm genuinely curious about her. I think people are interesting as FUCK, which is why i like psychology so much. I'd love to find out what's unique and fun and interesting about everyone i meet and even people i haven't met yet. There's a story behind those eyes, and i'm dying to hear it.
And the thing is, those eyes tell you a lot. I can see the past in those eyes and know where they're coming from, how they feel about people and life NOW based on what happened BEFORE. But i don't know about their future, and that's the part that interests me most. People change, people have dreams, and people have fantasies, and they're usually afraid to say them out loud. for fear of JUDGEMENT.
Being non-judgemental is key. I've sat there SOLID AS A ROCK while a girl told me how her step brother raped her. It was devastating to hear of course, but you wouldn't know it by the look on my face. I've also sat there unreactive while a girl told me how she slept with 3 guys at once. Wow. My reaction is going to tell her how I feel and how SHE should feel, and since i'm a nonjudgemental person or even if i DO have an opinion, i want to see how she feels about it first so i keep a neutral face. Any of you who have taken Dr. Bass's Human Sexuality class know that face i'm talking about -- you can say anything to Dr. Bass and his expression won't change if he doesn't want it to. Before i give her a social cue from my reaction, i want to truly know how SHE feels about it. "What do you think about that?" "How do you feel about that?"
Is there a time to judge? Yes, when they ask you to judge them. When they show attitude or bitchiness or TEST/CHALLENGE you to see if you're strong enough to handle them. That's when you flex your social muscle a little bit -- just enough so they know that you can do it if you need to. Other than that, have some genuine interest in people. Greet them with the all-powerful WARM SMILE and remember that the serious face gets answers.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you truly get to know someone. No one will open up to you when they're constantly on guard worrying how you'll judge them.
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