Building your Avatar

Build your Avatar

Hi there!

Today we're going to talk about building your "Avatar". For our purposes, your "Avatar" is basically your appearance - how you physically and visually present yourself; your hair, face, clothes, jewelry, etc. - and all the things that people associate with YOU.

What this is REALLY about is CONGRUENCE.

To make that make more sense: does your outside appearance agree with the person you are on the inside? This is another crucial step in transformation. If you're going to be who you want to be you need to look the part. Likewise, you want to always be communicating your personality to people. What does what you're wearing RIGHT NOW say about who you are as a person?

Right now, i'm wearing some extremely soft cotton basketball shorts and some underarmor boxers. What this communicates is that a) i workout and b) i'm completely comfortable with my body.

But it's more than simply communicating your comfort level (ie sweats vs jeans), it's moreso communicating how you feel about yourself. Some people wear suits ALL the time, some girls wear skirts. Skirt-girls are proud of their legs for instance, and often like to feel sexy. Suit-guys prefer to feel more polished and professional, or just dressed up. Generally i wear jeans, like ALL the time. I also wear funny/unique t-shirts that say things like "I have the pussy so I make the rules", and random unique sneakers.

It's not necessarily about what i'm TRYING to convey, it's more about wearing the things that are consistent with myself. I LOVE to have fun, hence the hilarious t-shirts. I like to try new things and take risks, hence the unique sneakers/shirts. I just like a nice pair of jeans and cool belts. I like my watch cuz i like to know what time it is and i like shiny things. I like having my ears pierced because i think it's cool. In general, i like to have a shitload of subtle details going on at once with my appearance. That way it looks cool at first, but the more you look at it the more you see. Almost like a cool painting or piece of art.

I have two rules that i live by when i'm deciding what to wear:

Rule #1) Wear what you feel confident in

Rule #2) Dress like you're going to be taking home the hottest girl in the venue (and she'll probably be wearing a dress)

The more accessories you have, the better. USUALLY. Jewelry is a great way to convey things about your personality. It lets you wear like 10 things that say something about you instead of just 4. Layering your clothes is another good way to do this. Just buy stuff you like... rings, necklaces, earrings, cockrings... woops!

But for those of us starting out, it's important not to look "TRY-HARD".

Note: buying stuff that is TOO BLATENT, like HUGE EARRINGS can often come off as try-hard (for guys). If the only thing that's cool about your big earrings is the fact that they're big, it's probably try-hard. But if you're wearing them as a JOKE, then it says something about your personality - you don't take yourself too seriously.

So, i would advise learning the way i learned: look at cool guys, alpha males, guys that girls are into, etc. find the parts of their outfit or 'look' that you LIKE, and make it your own. You like some dude's shirt ask him where he got it. "Cool shirt, where'd u get it?" and go shop there. But don't just copy people for the sake of copying them - copy the things you LIKE.

Figure out what jeans people are wearing. Shoes, etc. Look at TV, magazines, whatever. These things are IMPORTANT to women (and to men). In fact, i advise getting some female friends and going shopping with them - or recruit the hot retail girls to tell you whether or not your ass looks good in those Levi's. Details, details.

Details are utterly important, because the moment you have one thing incongruent with the personality you're conveying via your words/nonverbals, it creates confusion for whoever you're interacting with.

I see guys who have ALL the 'player tools'. They dress like stars, they're in good shape, they have nice haircuts, they're reasonably naturally attractive dudes, they have nice cars, nice houses, etc. Yet their game is utterly LACKING.

Instead of being congruent with all these player tools they have, they're afraid to pull the trigger, afraid to be an alpha male, afraid to actually BE the guy that women want. They're satisfied with just LOOKING the part. What all that is REALLY saying about that person (and trust me, girls figure this out pretty quickly), is that the guy feels INADEQUATE without all of those things. He has a low sense of self-worth without all his material possessions. He derives his value from OUTSIDE himself. In other words, he's externally validated.

That's friggin WACK.

Meanwhile, we've all seen that cleancut UNATTRACTIVE guy who has the car, the clothes, *AND* the girl! What the hellllll? Clearly his game is congruent with his look. His avatar is congruent with his personality. It's NOT simply because he's spending all his $$ on her (unless she's a groupie, which DOES happen), it's because he has the confidence and means to have the player tools AND be the player.

Being broke is no excuse. Get a cool haircut, groom yourself. Keep your shit tight. I learned to use my hair-clippers so i cut my own hair. I line myself up almost every day. For me, haircuts are FREE. I pay no more than $10 for any t-shirt i own. $25-30 for button ups, $15-20 for polos, $30 for jeans, $20-50 for shoes, $50-$60 for a blazer. These are at DEPARTMENT stores, i OWN the clearance rack.

Checkout the thrift stores. I pay $3 for my ties at thrift stores. $6 for button ups, etc. It's ridiculous.

Try shit on. Half the time i don't even REALLY go shopping with people, i'll end up somewhere by myself because i insist on trying on my clothes, and this takes forever. However, i basically never have to return anything, all my clothes fit GREAT, and i like how they look. Every purchase is an investment.

Dress to match your body type. If you have no muscle definition you probably don't want to wear a lot of tight t-shirts - i'd go Polo or Button up. You can be skinny, but there's no excuse to not have some muscle definition. If you're a bigger person, don't be afraid to GET skinny - almost all of the 'sexiest men alive' are quite thin. Like ALL male R&B singers are skinny as shit. CUT, but skinny.

Justin Timberlake is NOT big/buff. Ray J is a SAVAGE, and he is NOT a big guy.

And remember - EVERYONE looks good in a blazer.

But meanwhile, there's no excuse not to get in shape. GET IN THE GYM. Commit to working out 3 days a week. Just DO IT. Ask yourself, what would an alpha-male do? He'd fucking work out. Working out should be congruent with your personality - you should be a guy with rules and standards. If you have standards you wouldn't let your health get out of hand. Working out also gets your sex drive and testosterone pumping. Girls can SMELL this shit.

Changes won't happen overnight, but remember, it's consistency of ACTION that's our goal. This is a LIFESTYLE.

Now listen, after saying all that it's important that you understand that none of that actually MATTERS.

This game is amazing because when you're conveying your personality, nothing else matters but what's inside YOU. You can be fat, ugly, gross, living with your mom with superman bedsheets on a bunkbed (actually that sounds kinda cool...) in a DIRTY house with no furniture. Whatever, none of that matters. I know of guys who have pulled girls back to such shoddy living arrangements and made it happen. I know UNATTRACTIVE FAT guys who have porn-style 3somes on a regular basis.

HOWEVER, they are working VERY HARD to do this stuff, or at least a lot harder than they have to. You don't have to work that hard.

Having your Avatar in order definitely helps. When you have all those other things working against you then there's that much more personality you have to convey - that much more game you have to spit. When your Avatar is congruent with your personality, your Avatar does the talking for you.

I can tell when i'm dressed right (congruent) because i can roll up to ANY girl and she'll immediately open right up.

And i don't want to hear "i don't give a fuck" as an excuse. You really don't give a fuck about yourself? Well, who the hell wants to date a person like that!

What would an alpha-male do? He'd take care of himself.

cheers!
JDanger

Ego Theory

One of the first steps to starting the process of transforming yourself is taking stock of your self: Where am i now, where do i want to be?


What would you rate your self-esteem at on a scale of 1 to 10? A "zero" would basically be suicidal.



Self-esteem can fluctuate. Right now i'd put mine at 8 or 9, because i'm thinking about all the projects i want to work on and having a hard time making progress, and self-esteem seems to be tied to feelings of success and accomplishment of goals. There are basically three different types of people in the world:



1) Low Self-Esteem (LSE)

2) 'Average' People

3) High Self-Esteem (HSE)



Remember those two questions from the beginning? Well, "Where am i now?" tells us your Actual Self. "Where do i want to be?" tells us your Ideal Self. The difference between your Actual Self and your Ideal Self is your self-esteem. i.e. if you feel like you're a piece of shit (Actual) and you want to be a piece of platinum (Ideal), you'd clearly be LSE.


Here's a nice picture to illustrate this: The person on the top is LSE, middle person = 'Average', bottom person = HSE. The scale from 0 to 10 is their self-esteem, "5" on the scale is average - right in the middle.

What's funny is that the 'Average' person you'll meet in this world actually thinks they're a little below average. In other words, the self-esteem of the average person is actually, BARELY, a little low - people tend to be think pretty poorly of themselves.

Now, there is something that gets in EVERYONE'S way and stops them from reaching their full potential. It's a three-letter word that represents everything BAD in social dynamics:

Ego.

I've realized that people will essentially do EVERYTHING in their power to protect their ego. In fact, they've even done psychological research which shows that people engage in "ego protection." Yes, my dear friend, you do it too. Virtually every time you get defensive, guess what you're defending? Your ego.

But why does the ego even exist? What is its purpose? What *IS* an ego anyway? I'll tell you.


The ego is basically the FRONT we put up, it's what we want others to see when they look at us. The ego is our public face. So it's your ego that makes you brag about stuff, that makes you get into arguments because you don't want to lose or be wrong, that makes you ignore people's criticism because if you listen to what they say it means there's something wrong with you.


Essentially, your ego is there to protect your fragile feelings and your self-esteem. It looks like this:

See that? To the outside world, many times the typical LSE person will seem normal because they put up the FRONT that they're normal. Likewise, the 'Average' person you meet in this world always seems to have SOMEthing good going for them... hence their ego is above average. The HSE person can often come off as cocky if their ego gets out of hand, because they can actually back up most of the smack they talk.

Now, we've all heard people say things like "you're afraid of success" and it doesn't make any sense. I mean who the hell is afraid of success?! I love success! If anything i'm afraid of failure.

Well, they got it half-right. Ever competed against someone and then you beat them and they say "you only won because i wasn't really trying" ? We all have. In fact, many of us are guilty of saying that same thing - we only lost 'cuz we weren't trying. That right there my friends is our EGO rearing its ugly head.

We're afraid because if we really try, and STILL lose, then our ego is CRUSHED.

And our ego really, really doesn't want to die. So what are we to do? Our egos are holding us back, keeping us from really trying... There's only one option

DESTROY THE EGO

It's a 2-step process:

1) Make your primary goals ACTION oriented, not OUTCOME oriented.

Egos are concerned with failure, but if your goals are to take action rather than to achieve outcomes, it's a lot harder to fail. So my goals are to TRY HARD (action), rather than to gain something (outcome). Don't try to lose 20 pounds, instead try to go to the gym and work hard 3-4 days a week.

2) Make your secondary goals LEARNING oriented rather than COMPETITION oriented.

Egos are concerned with comparing themselves to others, and COMPETING to feel better than others. That's why you want to win arguments, brag, etc. Rather than trying to win (compete), instead I focus on learning the most I can (learn), especially from other people. Don't try to get in better shape than your super-fit friend. Instead, ask them how they got in such excellent condition. How much better do i get at things when i learn what my would-be 'competitors' would do to win?

Unstoppable.

I used to be a LSE person. Then i managed to take action and transform myself into an 'average' person. Now, thru consistency of action and learning, i can proudly say i'm HSE.

Destroy your ego, take action, and watch your world turn on its head. One day you'll look up from all the actions you've been taking and realize you've come farther than you ever thought possible.



cheers,
JDanger

Danger's Guide to Men: it's finally here!

Hey! Good to see you, it's been a little bit. Much too long for my preferences, but hey, life's a party and i don't wanna miss it!

People have said such things as "I liked the blog, but i'm not sure i like how you put women into categories" To which i said, "i do it to men too."

"Oh."

:) So here it is! Enjoy.

I was thinking about how to go about figuring out the categories that guys fall into. And then it hit me - and it's so simple: wouldn't it just be the same as the girls? And as i kind of 'reversed' the girl categories to make sense for guys, indeed it made perfect sense. I thought about different kinds of guys i've encountered and people i know, and yes, they fall into these categories, here they are:

1) Celebrities
2) "Stunners"
3) Shy Guys
4) Choosey Lovers
5) Nerds
6) Comedians

These are very similar to the girl categories of:

1) Hired Guns
2) Groupies
3) Blossomers
4) Choosey Lovers
5) Nerds
6) Giggle boxes


Celebrities:

Much like the Hired Guns, Celebrities are tired of being "hit on". Celebrities are guys who have some degree of fame/fortune and are tired of groupies and gold diggers trying to get at them. They may live a lavish life, but that is simply the life they prefer rather than living that life for the purpose of showing off, like the Stunner.

If you're a Celebrity and you want to meet women who aren't groupies, be mysterious about what you do and your income level. Put yourself in situations where people might not know who you are. Tell your friends to stop bragging about what you do. Let your SELF shine thru, see how that goes. You might just discover some interesting things about your self-esteem and confidence you never knew.

For ladies who want to meet celebrities: don't be impressed by what they do. Treat them as human beings, get to know them. Have fun and relax.


Stunners:

The Stunners are the show offs. Many Stunners don't even necessarily have much to show off, but whatever it is they have, you'll know. They like to brag and try to impress people one way or another. These are the types of guys that Groupies often go for, because groupies LOOOVE that status. Both Stunners and Groupies are externally validated, status-oriented people.

If you're a girl and you want a Stunner all you really have to do is dress sexy, stand within 10 feet of them and pray they have the guts to say something to you. If they don't, smile at them and make eye contact, that should do the trick.

If you're a Stunner and you want girls, my advice would be to go to parties you know will have lots of groupies: album release parties, celebrity afterparties, etc. If you want even better advice stop being a Stunner and realize you're a cool cat without all the bling. The guys who get ALL the girls don't show off, they're just assertively being THEMSELVES.


Shy Guys:

Shy guys are totally the male version of the female Blossomers. They'd love to explore their sexuality but they're reluctant to be assertive in many situations. Hell, many times they just simply don't know HOW or where to start! Most 'nice guys' are shy guys. Give them a chance and they know how to 'treat a lady'. Of course, contrary to what ladies SAY the guys they actually go for are NOT the ones who approach girls the way momma taught 'em.

Thus, many shy guys end up choosing from the girls who come their way OR girls in their immediate social circle. So if you're a girl and you're interested in a Shy Guy you're gonna have to show interest in him. And i know you think you ARE, but you must understand that the Shy Guy has NO CLUE unless you're blatently obvious about it. Don't be too FORWARD cuz he'll panic, but be INTERESTED.

If you're a Shy Guy and you want your pick of the litter, you're gonna have to stop caring about rejection, get out there and GO TALK TO GIRLS. You have so much potential you don't even know it, and YOU are the only thing stopping you.


Choosey Lovers:

Ah yes, choosey lovers. In order for a guy to be a choosey lover he has to actually be to the point where he has multiple QUALITY women to choose from as lovers. Please note the word "QUALITY" in front of the word "women". A guy being a Choosey Lover doesn't mean he's a player, it just means he's well-rounded. Anyway, there are 2 ways to get there.

1) The guy can be a Natural, which means that for a combination of reasons (or at least in certain situations i.e. girls in their social circle but NOT strangers at nightclubs) talking to quality women is well within his comfort zone.

2) They can LEARN it, meaning they used to be a different category but now they've reached a new comfort level with women.

If a woman wants to get with a choosey lover, she'll have to be of high quality. Let me go ahead and outline what high quality means: CONFIDENT.

There's nothing sexier than confidence, to men AND to women. I'm not gonna deny that you also need to take care of yourself and dress well, but these are things that truly confident people do anyway. The difference between having confidence and having a big ego is that confidence takes the COURAGE to say "i'm not perfect, but i'm working on it." Big-ego says "fuck that, i'm damn near perfect!"

Being confident doesn't mean being aggressive and tactless. Being confident doesn't mean being a standoffish bitch. Being confident doesn't mean constantly measuring yourself against the people around you. In fact, psychological research has shown that people with higher self-confidence engage in less social-comparison (measuring themselves).

Being high quality means relaxing and being social. Having fun. Not being desperate, needy, or taking value, but instead being assertive and GIVING value. So go around demonstrating personality, being social and having fun - you'll pique the interest of the Choosey Lover.

If you're a guy and you're a Choosey Lover and you want to get girls, it's important to remember that EVERYONE has value, even if they come off as a bitch at first. Dig thru their bullshit and give them a chance to let their true self shine thru. Being Choosey doesn't mean being so uppity, cocky, or arrogant that you're too 'picky' to talk to people. Instead, talk to EVERYONE. Every girl doesn't need to be a 10 in looks. However, don't lower your standards for anyone. I also see a lot of guys who are reasonably successful Choosey Lovers (Naturals in this case), but their ego's get in the way of them being EVEN BETTER at interacting with women.

Of COURSE you're successful with women. But did it ever occur to you that maybe you could be even MORE successful? Maybe that girl who just played you would've been friendlier if you had done something different? You often get in your own way when you're meeting women. The best advice i can give is to destroy your limiting beliefs, get out of your comfort zone and LEARN what's going on in these interactions.


Nerds:

Nerd guys are just like nerd girls. Nerd guys have a lot of similarities to shy guys - they're generally a shy bunch. However, the thing with nerd guys is there's almost always SOMETHING about which they get very excited. Hell, they're probably actually really GOOD at it too. Granted, this mysterious 'something' might be World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons, but still! Many of them are smart guys, they're just a little clueless when it comes to chicks. What's cool about this is that they learn well, so if a Nerd ever has a freaky girlfriend, he's going to be fucking AMAZING in bed. Ladies, tell a nerd what you want and he'll fulfill your desires, be they emotional, mental or physical. All of this makes them great boyfriends.

What's funny is that many JOCKS and MUSICIANS are actually NERDS. When this is the case, all they know is the sport/music they're playing and they're clueless about chicks. Luckily it's cool to bang jocks and musicians so they matchup quite well with Groupies;) In fact, it's a match made in heaven!

Let me reiterate that i'm NOT knocking the Groupie/Nerd matchup. Basically the Groupie thinks it's fucking awesome that the Nerd does whatever it is they're good at, and the Nerd gets to express his personality without worrying about the initial attraction phase. It works out for both parties.

So for ladies that want to get with Nerds, find out what they do. If it's interesting to you, let them know you're interested in the same thing. Give them a chance to talk about whatever it is they love to do and you'll see just how awesome these guys are. You have to be assertive with these types in case you didn't pick up on that...

For the Nerd guys, if you want to get the ladies, find EVERY opportunity you can to relate whatever you're THING is to something about her. At the same time, diversify yourself. You don't want to be one of those guys where the girl says, "all he ever talks about is X." Granted there are those girls that LOOOVE "X". However, if you want to expand your horizons you'll have to learn about other things. Make sure you're not just talking about you and your thing, but RELATING it to HER. It lets her know you understand where she's coming from. By the way you'll also want to learn how to approach women... ;)


Comedians:

Ah yes, we all know some Comedians; Comedians are the guys who tell the jokes! They're usually funny as fuck, and often very fun to be around. It DOES happen that their personalities can be overbearing: sometimes they don't know when to stop or tone it down. You can spot a Comedian because he jokes at almost EVERYTHING. The thing about Comedians is that they basically NEVER pull the trigger. It's very easy for them to end up just being the fun-entertainer guy who all the girls know but none of them are having sex with.

For ladies that want to get with a Comedian, YOU are going to have to be the assertive one who escalates the situation. Comedy is good for attraction, so a Comedian will very often get STUCK in attraction and not escalate to connection or seduction. Actions speak louder than words with these guys. And have a sense of humor. Many times they don't run into people who can make THEM laugh.

For Comedians who want to get the girlz, PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER. You need to TOUCH these girls, especially if they've already touched you! You should have no problem approaching girls - just say something random/funny that pops into your head, and keep it going. You being the comedian you are, they'll probably be laughing within a few minutes. If not she's being a dickhead so turn your back and go approach another girl.

You'll also want to ESCALATE. Get more personal, be more sexual. Ask them a question about themselves, relate it to yourself AND to something funny and/or sexual. Then, tell her something cool you noticed about her and tell her "lets chat sometime, i can see us having some laughs. What's your phone#?" and pull the trigger.

So there you have it. I might come back in and edit this so it looks prettier. Until then, keep it trill homies.

cheers!
JDanger