Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thank you for reading.
-Julian Saint Clair
The fun, the enjoyment, the RELEASE
It lies where death lies. Same place. Where you decide to give up everything and trust in yourself and live truly and fully in the moment.
It's all good and well to BE in the moment, but to LIVE in it is to be 100% expressive with 100% belief in yourself. No doubt whatsoever. It's to realize that everything you've worked for is worthless other than the fact that it led up to this moment right now, and that everything your working towards in the future will only ever happen if you take hold of the moment NOW and take action toward what you want.
But it takes a leap of faith. You have to trust that the chips will fall exactly where they're supposed to. That the results of this moment couldn't have happened any other way.
Now, in order to be confident enough that things will work out as they're supposed to, which in an ideal world is somewhat similar to how you picture things working out, you have to set yourself up in such a way that you can trust yourself.
Do you trust yourself?
I think I do. Nah, screw that. I KNOW I do.
In fact, should the results be less than ideal... Should I somehow "fail" tonight, the lesson I learn in the twilight will prepare me for tomorrow, and tomorrow I will succeed where before I have failed, if only because I took the chance in the first place.
So it's over. It's all over. Risk it ALL, because in the end it's all worthless anyway.
When you take the red pill and realize it was all for naught anyway, you find release, you find the freedom everyone is so lacking. No matter your age or situation, it's never too late to start living.
Everyone else is stuck in this constant unending equilibrium of mediocrity that is "not dying" when instead they should be "living".
So they preserve the small gains they make. They take the .03% the bank gives them on their savings account because it's a sure bet and they never know what would've happened had they put it all into their dream business. They lay on their death bed betting their last breaths on their kids and their kids' kids hoping the future generations have the guts to take a risk.
There's no time like now to lose it all.
Or, to quote the Klingons, today is a good day to die.
What's your vision? That's the theme for the time being. Find your vision. Find your vision and FOLLOW THAT SH*T until the ends of the earth, because that's what you live for. You live to LIVE, and your vision is how you see yourself living.
So I've defined my purpose, my identity, my values, and a lot of my ongoing 'goals' - but not my vision. And I've been feeling it lately too... a mild lack of direction. People ask me randomly 'what do you want to do with that?' and I provide an answer. I'm not sure I believe myself. They're good answers and they'd be pretty cool, but is it TRULY what I want ? Time to figure that out. Time to throw everything away that doesn't lead to my vision. That might include throwing away a part of my life. Ah well
Sorry life, gotta go live.
Julian Saint Clair
I'm leaning more towards this page.
Tonight was a fun night. I'm once again pushing my limits and it feels good to stretch out the old social muscles. I've been doing some very outlandish stuff but I've decided that what I need to do is...
well, I would say 'guage the reaction with more interest and respond from there' but that would imply that my actions are dependent upon others' actions.
That is, of course, against the rules.
My actions are entirely independent of others' so long as they fall outside of my policy of being considerate.
Being considerate is the check/balance to being a leader.
So to re-word that original statement, what I need to do is press the interaction at least a step or two further and then see how I feel about the prospects.
Here's an example - lets say I walk up to someone who looks rich and I say "Hey I'm thinking you should loan me a million dollars" and then I walk off nonchalantly as if it was no big deal, they don't really have a chance to say "Yeah that sounds like a great idea".
Thus what I should do is lean back, read them, and then go the next step which might sound like "I was thinking of breaking it up into installments of $100k paid out over 10 months."
Because, of course, the devil is in the details.
You'd be surprised how willing people are to follow your lead if you're willing to lead them.
Julian Saint Clair
Right now my dad has to stay late at the office because his team asked him to. I've read about and experienced many differen't types of leadership, and it seems it follows this model:
1) Afraid to be a leader
2) Eager to be a leader
3) Nervous about being a leader
4) Excited about being a leader
5) Tired of being a leader
6) Rather be an influence
Around stage 4 is when you actually LIKE being the guy everyone depends on and being the bottom line, the one that gets things done. However, by its very nature this means that without you, nothing gets done. Hence, staying late at the office.
Eventually you get to the point where you're tired of staying late at the office. You don't necessarily 'burnout' because you can keep going if you wanted to, but you're simply not as motivated as you once were to be that guy; your ego is satisfied that you are a leader among men.
Instead, you'd much rather be an influence. You might even go so far as to be the glue that holds everyone together and brings that element of synergy to the group, but the investment of time and effort to (micro)manage everyone is no longer yours to make.
It's important to make this transition at some point.
It's important to delegate more and take a step back. Instead of flying the plane, strap some wings on your teammates, give them a generous shove out the door and watch them soar. Eventually you want to get to a point where what you do is provide sage advice, and, most importantly, inspiration. When you speak, people listen.
Much like Master Yoda.
Julian Saint Clair
Did you know that while you're walking around minding your own business, everyone is curious what's up w/ you? Just don't be weird. Or rather, don't make people uncomfortable. Easier said than done? No. It's easy, just talk about whatever comes to mind as soon as it pops in your head. It's OK to have like 10 different conversation threads going on at once and jump around. Don't try and "say a line" that's clever or funny or CANNED, "so uh... how was your weekend ?" Say anything you want, just be GENUINE: "Hey so-and-so! How was YOUR weekend??"
I told my friend "the serious face gets answers." You can ask anyone anything and there's that split second right after you ask it where they look at your face to try and see if you have a hidden agenda - if maybe you're laughing at them inside. That split second is when they're figuring out, "are they asking this so they can JUDGE me or are they asking because they want to know about me?"
If the latter, they will always spill their guts. *IN THE CLUB* the past couple of weekends i'll be talking to a girl i met literally 30 seconds ago and she's telling me her passion in life and what she wants to be and do. IN THE CLUB! Why? because i'm genuinely curious about her. I think people are interesting as FUCK, which is why i like psychology so much. I'd love to find out what's unique and fun and interesting about everyone i meet and even people i haven't met yet. There's a story behind those eyes, and i'm dying to hear it.
And the thing is, those eyes tell you a lot. I can see the past in those eyes and know where they're coming from, how they feel about people and life NOW based on what happened BEFORE. But i don't know about their future, and that's the part that interests me most. People change, people have dreams, and people have fantasies, and they're usually afraid to say them out loud. for fear of JUDGEMENT.
Being non-judgemental is key. I've sat there SOLID AS A ROCK while a girl told me how her step brother raped her. It was devastating to hear of course, but you wouldn't know it by the look on my face. I've also sat there unreactive while a girl told me how she slept with 3 guys at once. Wow. My reaction is going to tell her how I feel and how SHE should feel, and since i'm a nonjudgemental person or even if i DO have an opinion, i want to see how she feels about it first so i keep a neutral face. Any of you who have taken Dr. Bass's Human Sexuality class know that face i'm talking about -- you can say anything to Dr. Bass and his expression won't change if he doesn't want it to. Before i give her a social cue from my reaction, i want to truly know how SHE feels about it. "What do you think about that?" "How do you feel about that?"
Is there a time to judge? Yes, when they ask you to judge them. When they show attitude or bitchiness or TEST/CHALLENGE you to see if you're strong enough to handle them. That's when you flex your social muscle a little bit -- just enough so they know that you can do it if you need to. Other than that, have some genuine interest in people. Greet them with the all-powerful WARM SMILE and remember that the serious face gets answers.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you truly get to know someone. No one will open up to you when they're constantly on guard worrying how you'll judge them.
I realized that picking girls up is a lot of fun (I mean literally... physically lifting them off the ground), both for me and the girl. The other day I picked up 2 girls at once - one in each arm. I personally felt that it was quite awesome.
Oh yeah, here's a funny quote I got from my sister: "I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am!"
I saw 4 hot lil' cuties at the spot I was at last night. A funny thing that happened is I saw a cute girl, walked up to her and introduced myself and talked about something random for a sec when her friend says, "that's the guy from Saturday!"
I'm thinking, "wtf? oh, man, I need to stop drinking"
"You'll have to tell me your name again. I drink alot"
Anyway, so I saw some cuties. Did I push it with any of them ?
By the way, let me go ahead and say that my GOAL here is to simply have fun pushing things to the limit and beyond, doing things I didn't think were possible and living in my own delightful world of wonderment rather than by the rules of society. In all things I remain true to my core values and rules, including being selective and discrete.
I made about 1 or 2 assertive moves on each, and that was that. I didn't escalate it. I think that I need to stop trying to force my game into certain modes but rather game to suit my mood, and if I want my game to be in a certain mode I need to simply change my mood. And remember that by 'game' I mean my self-expression, or in other words the manner in which I'm communicating.
For example, if I'm in a more laid back mood I'm more likely to come off as incongruent if I'm running around picking girls up and high fiving everyone. However, if I WANT to be running around doing crazy stuff, I need to change my mood. I need to tap into that underlying motivation.
But how to do this?
I think I need to spend some serious time playing around with the motivating thought of "how can I make this fun?"
In fact, the theme for the rest of this weekend is "How can I make this fun?"
Combine that with "Live like a 4-year-old" and I think we'll have a blast.
And one final thing to play with for a bit is blatently communicating expectations i.e. "I expect you to be playful and have fun around me."
-Change your mood, not your game.
-Push it to the LIMIT - stay in there and have some fun with it. Do NOT leave
-Stop worrying about where other people are at - just GO
-Cut off all self-regulation and live without inhibitions (of course, stay true to your core values and rules)
-Might want to limit myself to 3 drinks or something...
Ah yes, Miami was glory times indeed.
I caught a tan and avoided catching VD, whom I'm sure was lurking in the shadows somewhere looking for unsuspecting mancationers.
Anyway, our last night in Miami we were all kind of pooped.
That's because we did it SO big the night before. Absolutely epic. The bards will sing the tales of Miami Mancation 2008 for years to come. We were truly the life of the party.
(hopefully pics from that night will surface soon)
But that was Saturday. This was Sunday.
Fear not! We pulled it together and went out one final night. We went to Opium/Prive and had a good time in VIP.
But my energy was low. I kept telling myself "ok self, just keep drinking vodka redbull and you'll be fine."
Great idea. The last clear memory I have of the night is downing one last vodka redbull.
Fortunately I was smart enough to pull over the girl next to us in VIP who had a camera. She took a couple of flix, including this one:
Pete did a good job of looking mostly sober in that one.
And what's that in his hand? Yes! Vodka redbull.
Rick Ross was there. So was Trina.
And no, for those of you who know the story of Trina's hopeless lust for a naiive young schoolboy, I did not rekindle our love. She was so surrounded by a thousand goons that I literally didn't even SEE her, let alone lock eyes with her and capture her in the notorious gaze of desire/tractor beam of hotness.
All in all, a good time was had by all. When more pics arrive magically in my mailbox from girls I don't even remember, we'll piece together the rest of the story of Miami Mancation 2008.
-Find girls with cameras
-Give them your email address so you can get pix
-Vodka Redbull is no substitute for actual energy, contrary to popular belief
I told the bartender:
"get me drunk for THIS"
I handed her a wad of cash and turned back to my friends as she laughed and poured up something delightful
I turn back around to the bar and just like magic there are two AMF's (A long-island-like drink, try one) sitting on the counter.
I look to my left and wouldn't you know it, there's a 5'2" cutie standing there in a sparkly dress. They always wear sparkles
"Are those for me?" She asked
I shook my head with a smile.
A better comeback would have been to eye her dress and ask her: "Are those for me ??"
But apparently I couldn't think that fast.
“Nice try. I know all about the ‘stand-by-the-bar-and-ask-if-that-drink-is-for-me’ game for getting free drinks. I invented it”
She giggled. They always giggle
“Is that a blue Hawaiian ?”
“Adios Motherfucker? Ok, Adios!”
She said it like ‘goodbye’ and did a half-turn away from me with a coy smile. Haha, very clever she was. Caught me off guard. I told her as much with a smile
“Very clever. Lets see if you’re still so clever after you get another drink in you”
I turned my back and never saw her again.
Alas, a good time was had by all and I wasn’t interested in escalating the situation at the time. However, if you want things to escalate, SOMEONE has to escalate it. This is a lesson I’ve already learned many a time, but it’s a good fundamental one to remember.
There were other stories from which to learn that night, but you’re going to have to buy the book to hear those adventures. Still, you can see the lessons:
-If you want the interaction to go somewhere you’ve got to take it there
-Don’t ever depend on someone else to pull the trigger, YOU are the bottom line
-Nothing is ever as effective as your presence – BE THERE
-Always be leading
-Be decisive, even if you’re blundering and wrong, you’ll learn something
-If you’re engaging a group, involve people you want/need to involve
-In the end, the strength of your confidence determines the outcome
I had to go early and help decorate.
Big thank you to the two lovely ladies who put in the time with me to add a little extra flavor to the night.
But it still took a while so I had to go home and get ready. I was behind schedule.
Matt hits me up:
Where's your list?
The GM is talking to me about VIP sales. We had this genius plan to sell out VIP. $35 gets you a VIP wristband and 3 drink tickets and you skip the line - a great deal if you ask me, 3 drinks alone are usually $35+
I promoted it, people knew about it. However, no one really knew HOW to buy it. We even had a sign that said "Candyland VIP $35", but people were clueless.
We still made several sales, but I clearly wasn't about to spend my night being a salesman. That's not my job. However, my job was to help make VIP LOOK good, and that I did:
And the DJ was playing CUTS. Shout out to DJ Mr. Supreme for hooking it up. He pulled no punches. And I only heard Lil Wayne's Lollipop maybe twice. He had this long 'Candy' set he played, songs about candy and what not, culminating in an extended remix of Lollipop.
Somebody got on the mic, saying how live the crowd was and how cool the party was, the best they'd ever seen at Heavens. I had NO idea who was on the mic, I went to go see, and lo and behold it's Mr. Supreme. I've *NEVER* heard him get on the mic, he shouted out the crowd and kept it jumpin.
All in all, it was a great experience. Special thanks to everyone who was a part of it, especially Soul Gorilla who made it all happen.
Keep your ear out for the next one, and PLEASE people, email me any pics you might have at email@example.com. My pic-taking skillz are lacking at the moment, I need to step it up.
Til next time... Peace!