Saturday, June 14, 2008

New Blog / Website -

Danger Zone has moved to - check it out!

Julian Saint Clair

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


had some complicated thoughts leading to this. Perhaps I may re-write/edit a shortened version later. Til then, enjoy this in all its splendor.


I know myself and I know I’m not going to stop desiring women, at least not in the foreseeable future…


I’ve given that question some thought and I’ve come to some semi-answers:

It’s not because I’m not getting laid enough
It’s not because I’m not being sexually satisfied
It’s not because I have no self control
It’s not for some insidious egotistical need
It’s not because my past or present relationships suck

It’s just BECAUSE

It’s desire for desire’s sake.

It seems like it’s just the sheer novelty of it.

I desire new flavors, or different flavors.

I’ve explored this feeling extensively and will continue to do so, and I’ve thus far come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my desire; it’s entirely legitimate and comes from an untainted place of honesty, appreciation and sexuality.

My thought process is like this… I see girl, girl is cute, girl is hot, girl is sexy, I desire girl, end of story.

Then later my self-regulating thought processes come in and gauge the consequences given the context of the situation:

Who is she here with, what are the logistics, who knows this girl, is this someone’s girlfriend, is this someone’s romantic interest, if so who are those people, who knows me here, who am I here with, what am I doing after this, what is she doing after this, is there someone here whom I desire more, could she possibly be crazy… etc.

Depending upon the answers to those questions and their relative importance to me and my other goals, I may or may not decide to pursue grand adventures with this damsel of desire (or multiple damsels if a ménage a trios is appropriate).

The thing is… this has NOTHING to do with my existing relationships, other than how they may relate to those secondary, self-regulating questions. What are my goals with those existing relationships?

To be a giver and not a taker. To be open to learn. To be appreciative and understanding, honest and uninhibited, friendly and charming, down to earth, flattering, trustworthy, generous, and receptive – and to encourage and inspire others to be the same.

All of these things are on my list. To know me is to know my list, because that is who I am.

I’ve been fortunate and blessed enough to have had some awesome relationships, both fulfilling and satisfying.

Yet still, despite my satisfaction with my fulfilling relationships, my desire remained.

Sure, I fought it off many a time and was always victorious for a while, but it always came back.

In fact, it never left.

Can a woman ever believe that? Can she ever believe that my desire can be 100% independent of my relationship with her?

For that to happen she’d have to have some serious security in our relationship.

Moreover, she’d have to really truly TRUST me that I am what I say I am: appreciative, honest, uninhibited, trustworthy, unafraid to be myself and unafraid to be expressive.

Because what that translates to is that I fully appreciate her and our connection, and that any wavering in that appreciation will be communicated honestly and uninhibited without hesitation.

Appreciation is important and needs to be clarified – and this is a realization I had a while back that I don’t think I’ve revealed to the public yet.

It’s based on a very simple principle I’ve learned from my thousands of interactions with various people, and here it is:

All anyone wants in this world is to understood/valued/appreciated.

It’s that combination of those three words that’s important: understood/valued/appreciated.

You can understand someone without seeing their value, and thus they’re left wonting, feeling worthless. Likewise you can value someone despite having zero understanding of them, i.e. people valued Van Gogh but none understood him.

What is appreciation?

Appreciation kind of captures both understanding and valuing, in fact one could say that appreciation is obtaining a deeper understanding of the value. The thing about appreciation is that it allows for growth – you can always understand deeper and value more, thusly growing in appreciation.

Here’s the zinger, this was a line of thinking that led me to a startling conclusion that was very eye opening which totally changed the way I look at the world.

How do people FEEL when others understand/value/appreciate them?

What is the FEELING associated with it?

The feeling is like this complex mixture of more security with your insecurities, feeling like your WORTH something to someone and to the world, feeling optimistic, more relaxed, more confident, more capable, more comfortable being you…

When I look at feelings to figure out what causes them I simply look at other times when I’ve felt the same feeling and figure out what’s going on.

Try that: think of a time where you felt really understood/valued/appreciated, look at that feeling and think of other times where you felt like that. You will naturally come to the only conclusion that makes sense, the one word that can be used to describe that feeling:


It’s so SIMPLE.

Now substitute that into the previous equation and you’ll realize that this is exactly what it is:

All anyone wants in this world is to be loved.


You might want to marinate on that one for a while… I know I did.

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand: in order for a woman to understand that my desire for other women has nothing to do with her or our relationship, she has to trust that I fully appreciate and value her and our connection (I don’t like throwing around the L-word too much, people just don’t understand), and that I’m going to be honest and uninhibited in being myself and expressing my self such that if I’m having trouble appreciating something about her or our connection I will let her know so we can work on it.

I read a book which I will highly recommend to you called “The Threesome Handbook” by Vicky Vantoch.

What I learned most from this book (in addition to some creative sexual positions) is that the magic formula for successful polyamorous relationships is trust, communication, and boundaries.

I’ll go ahead and add another one to that: growth.

I’ve long since given up pursuing deeper relationships with women who are unwilling to grow.

But don’t write these people off – I activate the inspiring/encouraging part of myself to hopefully motivate them to see that they can be and do anything they want in this world – I just try to remain a source of positivity and encouragement, and so should you.

If you’re unwilling to work on things, to explore, to learn – to GROW, then you’re stuck in a stagnant place where possibility passes you by like a beggar with a sign and a cup watching traffic.

Trust, communication and boundaries are worthless without growth.

Push your limits, communicate honestly your understanding/value/appreciation, trust your partner to do the same, and be willing to explore/learn/GROW.

And in the end what does this all mean for me next time I’m out and I spy with my little eye a delightful vixen?

Perhaps I should walk right up to anyone who’s feelings might potentially be hurt by interpreting my actions as an insult to that understanding/value/appreciation of her and our connection, pull her close to me and say to her, “Hey, I want you to know how much I understand/value/appreciate you and the connection we have. That girl over there is sexy as hell to me right now and I want to go see what she feels like. Do you want to come? If not, you can rest assured that what you and I have won’t change, unless of course she does some trick that I’ll teach you, in which case it’ll only change for the better.”

Frankly I don’t know how anyone could say no to that.


Friday, April 18, 2008


Here's a thought I've been working on...

Instead of "I wish" and "what if", learn from what was to change what is

point being, every choice is an opportunity to start fresh

Every choice is the death of possibility and the birth of a new reality. Make the conscious decision to live the life you want to live, because you won't end up on your deathbed wishing you hesitated more.


Fuck Paying Dues

That's right, I said it

Paying dues is what people who have wasted time toiling tell the newbies

Do you think The Man makes his people pay dues?


In fact, he hooks his people UP. Hardcore. When they need a job they have it, when they need money they have it, when they need ANYthing, they've got it.

All they have to do is not mess it up. It's about paying it forward and passing it on to your friends and family, but not to others. It's about taking care of you and yours.

And the whole 'meritocracy' is contrived. It's entirely made up.

Almost NOTHING is based on merit, on hard work.

It's not WHAT you know, it's WHO you know.

For instance, black people are too busy telling the next man that they need to work hard and earn their keep to get where they got in life.

They've gotta pay their dues


Fuck paying dues.

Paying dues is why generation after generation we're right back where we started and progress is always a dream of tomorrow.

So to quote a great mentor of mine, don't be so caught up in your success that you don't share it with others and show them the way.


Monday, March 24, 2008

Rules to Live By

If you want to be confident and secure, have self-esteem and stop deriving your value from other people, be internally validated and answer only to yourself, you have to actually have something to answer to.

I'll find this quote that will help this make more sense and post that too, but in the mean time, here's my list of things to answer to for MYSELF. That way, I don't care about others' judgments of me, as long as I'm living by my rules and being who I want to be, I'm good. I have this posted on my wall and I read it often.



Have fun
Enjoy myself
Enjoy the process
Enjoy the journey


Ways to Live

Core Confidence
Give Value
Be Assertive
Be Unreactive

Commit to Consistency
Live and Learn
Esteem reigns supreme
Everyone has value

Alpha male
High value male
A guy with standards and rules
Giver of value


Who I Am - Julian Kahlil Saint Clair

Appreciative/Easy Going



Be respectful of time and effort
Be appreciative of resources
Be a GIVER and not a TAKER
Be positive
Be physically comfortable
Be responsible
Be open to learn


Ideal qualities I want to embody - extended version of "Who I Am"

Fun Loving
Seeking New Experiences
Positive Outlook
Hard Working
Willing to take RISKS
Willing to SPEAK UP
Unafraid to BE MYSELF
Unafraid to be EXPRESSIVE
Easy going
Concise (ha!)
Easy to talk to
FUN to talk to
Giver of Value
Down to Earth
Well Rounded
A Dreamer
Abundance Mentality
A Gentleman
Open Minded
Fast Learner


This list grows all the time and I try to think of better ways to organize it and things to add. I very very very strongly recommend EVERYONE make a list - remember that it's a list of WHO YOU WANT TO BE, not 'who you are currently', your IDEAL SELF, not your 'actual self'.

The first step to being your ideal self is knowing who you want to be.

When you're first making your list, make it LOOONG. Write down everything you can possibly think of even if it sounds repetitive. Later, try to condense it into a shorter version (for me that's my "Who I Am" section), which will be easier to remember.

The important thing is to come up with a list that rings true for YOU.

However, if any of the things on mine sound good to you, feel free to use them as your own - some of the stuff I got from other people as well. That's part of being open minded and a fast learner;) Take what works for you and discard the rest.


Friday, January 25, 2008

Life is OVER

Why is your room dirty right now?

It seems like as soon as you clean it, it gets dirty right away. We always find this upsetting.

Our gas tank is empty. We just filled it up the other day. Damn... We're always refilling it.

There's only a little bit of those leftovers still in the fridge. They're so TASTY. Lets save it for later.


Cars are made to be driven.
Gas is made to be burned.
Rooms are made to be dirtied.
Food is made to be eaten.

Everything is ALWAYS getting worse, yet we puny humans strive to hold onto it just a LITTLE BIT LONGER.

We're too busy trying to save ourselves to live life. Too busy trying to preserve something that's made to be enjoyed to the fullest. You don't get to live this life again. You don't get to 'save a little bit for later'. Everything could be gone in the BLINK OF AN EYE.

Don't you understand this? You don't, i know. It's hard. It's so very hard... but TRY.


And it's not that you can die. Sure, mortality is all around you. You can die at any time, we all know this. But it's more than that. How about this - try this one on for size:

You can have EVERYTHING in your life taken away from you in a heartbeat... but you're still alive. Imagine THAT.

Imagine everything you're familiar with is just GONE. Your job, your house, your car, everything. Imagine yourself moving to another city with like 5 grand and no friends. Your life as you know it, just GONE. But you're still alive. Living.

It's kinda like fight club. You're not your job, you're not your aprartment, you're not your car. You are not your ikea furniture. You are not your fucking khakis.

Everything - GONE. What would you have left? What would you do differently? How would you live if you started your life again with 5 grand and no friends in a new city?

It's time to start living. Be ready to risk everything at the drop of a hat. Tell your boss what you've been wanting to tell them. Tell THEIR boss. Tell your friends, your lovers, your family. Tell everyone exactly what's on your mind. Reputation is MEANINGLESS.

Don't go out of your way to THROW it away. Just never hesitate to RISK it. Put it all on the line, all the time. Balls to the wall, completely out of your mind.

I feel like I just died and I'm living again for the first time. Weird I know. It feels kinda like when you're asleep having a dream and you REALIZE you're having a dream and the fact that you realize it allows you to CONTROL it and now the dream takes a whole new turn. It's like THAT.

It was like before everything had a "handle with care" label on it. Now, I'm ready to throw that shit on the ground just to see what it looks like when it breaks. But not so much self-amusing destruction. More like, USAGE. More like, taking full advantage of what life's offering me. More like, full enjoyment.

I got this brand new shirt and I'm waiting for a special occasion to wear it...


Shirts are made to be worn.
Cars are made to be driven.
Gas is made to be burned.
Rooms are made to be dirtied.
Food is made to be eaten.

Life is made to be LIVED. I'm not saving anything for later.

I'm excited. See you soon.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

ATTRACTION... Finally Nailed It


I've been trying to write about attraction for a while and I've been having a hard time.

There are a MILLION things that go into what makes up attraction. a MILLION.

Speaking of a million, let me tell you a funny story.

I'm in the club, and somehow I manage to be HAMMERED drunk. Like seriously, I forgot half the night. I HATE when I get like that. Sure, sometimes I drink and I like to party but I ALWAYS want to remember what happened. Apparently I left my panties at home that night and wore some dungarees because I was balls-to-the-wall SAVAGE. Here's what I've pieced together, and I remember about 2/3rds of this.

I see a girl talking to some dude. Apparently they are together, as in boyfriend/girlfriend. Yeah.

I walk up, I gently yet firmly turn the girl around to face me, I have a half-smile on my face and I extend my arm to encompass her into my bubble and bring her under my wing. I walk away a few steps with her, smiling the whole way, holding strong eye contact. She sees my nimbus and she can't look away. She literally CAN NOT look away. She's in my world now, nothing else exists.

We start to talk, we're vibing. She smiles, we laugh, it's ON. It's ALWAYS on.

Suddenly, some dude is there on her other side trying to pull her away. I still have a smile on my face as I give him a look like he's retarded and pull her back towards me. Without warning that dude magically splits into a total of 4 dudes + one short midget-like guy who seems to be their leader. I let go of the girl and look at him with a self-amused smile. The midget-leader goes:

"BET you won't do that again."
I think to myself: Betting! I love to gamble. My smile grows from a half smile to a 3/4 smile.
"Bet a million!" I say
"Huh? Bet..."
"Bet a MILLION!"
"BET you won't do that again."
"I'll do it again for a MILLION!"
I have my hand partially held out to shake for a bet, but below my waist, confident and nonthreatening, and non-THREATENED. I'm holding eye contact, ready to play. He had to think I was crazy. He backs up a couple steps towards his friends while keeping his eyes on me

I understand they're looking for a fight.

I look at them, my chest is fully exposed, absolutely fearless, my smiles turns feral and predatory as I size them up. I just went to the gym that day and my back was sore from so many pullups. My testosterone is pumping, my senses are heightened. I feel ready, I feel prepared. I feel like I can take all of them. Each one looks visibly unsure of themselves as I look at each of them in turn. They understand. I'm Alpha.

Just then my friend turns around, ready to fight. The HUGE security guard who I'm super-cool with shows up. They've got my back. My smile grows. I tell them it's cool. I tell everyone it's cool. They back off. Situation diffused. I see the midget-leader later that night and I give him my half smile and shrug as if to say "hey, life's crazy".

Later I ask my friends: what happened? Why the hell were they beefin?

They tell me. Dude, don't you remember? You took his girl right in front of him.

Then i think to myself... wow. That dude was LITERALLY not in my reality at ALL. Like, all I remember is standing there talking to a girl I just pulled over to me and some random guy comes up and starts beefin with me. What the fuck?

I think that's what it is. I think that's what Attraction is.

Attraction is living in your own reality - a GREAT reality - and a reality that others can't help but be drawn into. It's like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, you just don't want to leave.

Cultivate that reality within yourself. Reality is perception. Interpret the world as you see fit and truly believe. 100% Belief in yourself. Not 92% belief. 100% belief. Live in a world of self-amusement where bad-reactions simply do not exist.

Ever wonder why you have so much fun when you're drunk? It's because that social filter that blocks out all of your impulses is removed. Granted you have to come from the right place internally, but most of you reading this are pretty well-centered people. Don't worry so much about that.

Worry about being yourself unapologetically. Expressing yourself. Putting your personality on the line and laughing off whatever happens as a result. LAUGH IT OFF. It's no big deal.

That's it. That's it right there.

THAT is attraction; living in your own reality and enjoying everything that adds to it by reacting to it. YOU are the rock making a splash in the pond. YOU make the ripples. If someone else throws a rock, you throw a bigger rock. Your belief is stronger. 100%.

This is YOUR world.

THAT is attraction.

cheers my dear friends. cheers!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Being the Alpha Male

What does it mean to be the Alpha Male?

For me, this means answering the phone when people call. This means listening to people, connecting with them, being empathetic, understanding, giving feedback and input. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “why the hell are they telling me this?” And then I remember, “Oh yeah, I’m the Alpha”

Being the Alpha means deciding what *I* want to do and doing it. This means considering all options and making a fucking decision. It also means changing my mind when necessary. This means trusting myself to handle situations. This means having FAITH in myself, not BECAUSE other people do, but in light of the fact that people do.

To me, being the Alpha Male means having the balls to address other alphas; stepping out of my comfort zone and offering the olive branch or the sword. In the end I don’t give a FUCK if you’re bigger than me I will fight to the fucking hilt to protect me and mine. Leader of men. Protector of loved ones. Dominating. Sticking out my chest, shoulders back, head high, chin down – don’t be arrogant, look people in the face, strong eye contact, big smile. Life’s a party.

It’s also important to realize that different people lead in different situations. Leadership doesn’t necessarily mean Alpha. As the Alpha Male, it’s important to recognize when it’s time for others to lead. In fact, it’s necessary – you can’t lead ALL the time, unless you want to die young. It’s too demanding and draining. Delegating is a part of being the Alpha, and that goes hand in hand with recognizing others’ value and letting them shine in their areas of expertise.

It’s also important to realize that you’re dominant, but you don’t TRY.

Trying to dominate everyone is beta, not alpha. Dominating is simply who you are, you’re unafraid and confident. Being the Alpha Male means understanding that there are OTHER Alpha Males. I say "The" Alpha, but there are tons of Alpha Males in the world, and I'm friends with some of them. Alpha Males can come together in alliance and do great things. Be assertive, feel people out, but don’t try to dominate others simply for the sake of dominating. Don’t be an asshole.

Being the Alpha Male means putting myself out there. Putting my personality on the line time and time again. And BELIEVING. It takes 100% belief to do the impossible. “If anyone can do it, it’s me.”

When you’re the Alpha Male, people will seek your approval. People will give you things, make offerings to you. Don’t turn these down. In this book I read, this young courageous Prince felt… bashful, embarrassed I supposed, to be receiving gifts from the people of his realm. His advisor, who was the advisor to his father, told him, “you’re their Prince! Let them treat you as such. They want to give you these things, to turn it down would be the greatest insult to their honor.” An honest thank you will do.

Do NOT let this go to your head.

Remain humble, but understand your ROLE. KNOW YOUR FUCKING ROLE. You are the Alpha, but you are still a cog in the wheel. Nothing works without your people – a chief is nothing without his Indians. Do not feel that you are valuable and others are not simply because you’re the Alpha.

Being the Alpha Male means understanding that everyone has value. It means recognizing that value and facilitating it. It means allowing everyone to SHINE.

Sometimes it means taking people out of their comfort zone. This is what you do, you’re the Alpha Male. They trust that you’ll get them thru it, that it’s in their best interest.

That’s what it’s about in the end – Trust. Being the Alpha Male means being responsible, but at the same time throwing caution and responsibility to the wind. It’s a fun little paradox. You GOT here by being the type of guy that doesn’t give a fuck and lives his own life, and now others trust you to lead them. It’s easy to start giving a fuck.


The key is to simply BE. Be you, all the time. The self is always shining through, so don’t try and block the sun. Don’t TRY to be the leader, because that’s exactly how you fail at it. Don’t always tell people what to do, instead tell them your experience, tell them what you’ve learned, tell them about YOU. Speak in the “I” perspective, not the “You” perspective. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Instead, just live. You’re a guy with standards and rules, and you don’t violate them for anyone. You speak up, you put it out there.

You are not to be walked on.

You don’t tolerate insolence. You don’t tolerate poor behavior. But nor are you the police. Your attention, your presence, YOU are the gift. To quote a wise man named Chariot, YOU are the hero in this story, YOU are the shiny golden treasure. You punish people by taking away that treasure. I saw it on a movie somewhere, but they said that there’s nothing worse in this world than being ignored, and truer words have never been spoken.

You are dominant, this is your reality. You invite others to live in it. Yet it’s of the utmost importance to LISTEN. It’s easy to keep dominating and keep dominating, but many times it’s important to just sit back and LISTEN. People are trying to tell you things and you need to hear them. Don’t judge it, don’t try and be RIGHT and them being WRONG. That’s your ego creeping in, let it go. Let them talk, give it a listen.

Many times I catch myself thinking, “this person has no clue, this person is trapped, this person has nothing but limiting beliefs,” etc. All that may be true, but it’s important to CUT THAT SHIT OUT and just LISTEN.

Sure, take it with a grain of salt, but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gained some really deep insights by finding an underlying message that might be hidden within whatever self-limiting bullshit someone is spouting to me. Yeah, this person might be stifling themselves with limiting beliefs, but they hold these beliefs for a REASON. Find out what that reason is, find out what the underlying ‘rule’ is that’s guiding this behavior, you’ll learn something new.

Remember, everyone has value. Find it, appreciate it, and give them some of your value.

The world is yours for the taking. YOU are the bottom line. The sky isn’t blue unless you say it is. This is FAITH. This is 100% BELIEF. Never be timid. Say things with conviction. Believe in yourself. Believe in others. I’ve got a laundry list of things I’ve done that I thought were impossible. Spend enough time around me and you know that if you use the word “can’t” you get a slap on the wrist. That’s one of my rules – don’t tell me anyone ‘can’t’ do anything. Impossible is nothing. FAITH. 100% BELIEF.

That's what Yoda taught Luke, that's what Morpheus taught Neo. That's what every hero has to learn.

That’s what it means to be the Alpha Male. You live in your world. You recognize the value in others, you let them SHINE. You’re a guy with standards and rules. You put yourself out there, and you do it with 100% belief. You know your role, you accept it, and you play it to perfection. You are the Alpha Male. You are the bottom line.

This is YOUR world. Enjoy it;)