Building your Avatar

Build your Avatar

Hi there!

Today we're going to talk about building your "Avatar". For our purposes, your "Avatar" is basically your appearance - how you physically and visually present yourself; your hair, face, clothes, jewelry, etc. - and all the things that people associate with YOU.

What this is REALLY about is CONGRUENCE.

To make that make more sense: does your outside appearance agree with the person you are on the inside? This is another crucial step in transformation. If you're going to be who you want to be you need to look the part. Likewise, you want to always be communicating your personality to people. What does what you're wearing RIGHT NOW say about who you are as a person?

Right now, i'm wearing some extremely soft cotton basketball shorts and some underarmor boxers. What this communicates is that a) i workout and b) i'm completely comfortable with my body.

But it's more than simply communicating your comfort level (ie sweats vs jeans), it's moreso communicating how you feel about yourself. Some people wear suits ALL the time, some girls wear skirts. Skirt-girls are proud of their legs for instance, and often like to feel sexy. Suit-guys prefer to feel more polished and professional, or just dressed up. Generally i wear jeans, like ALL the time. I also wear funny/unique t-shirts that say things like "I have the pussy so I make the rules", and random unique sneakers.

It's not necessarily about what i'm TRYING to convey, it's more about wearing the things that are consistent with myself. I LOVE to have fun, hence the hilarious t-shirts. I like to try new things and take risks, hence the unique sneakers/shirts. I just like a nice pair of jeans and cool belts. I like my watch cuz i like to know what time it is and i like shiny things. I like having my ears pierced because i think it's cool. In general, i like to have a shitload of subtle details going on at once with my appearance. That way it looks cool at first, but the more you look at it the more you see. Almost like a cool painting or piece of art.

I have two rules that i live by when i'm deciding what to wear:

Rule #1) Wear what you feel confident in

Rule #2) Dress like you're going to be taking home the hottest girl in the venue (and she'll probably be wearing a dress)

The more accessories you have, the better. USUALLY. Jewelry is a great way to convey things about your personality. It lets you wear like 10 things that say something about you instead of just 4. Layering your clothes is another good way to do this. Just buy stuff you like... rings, necklaces, earrings, cockrings... woops!

But for those of us starting out, it's important not to look "TRY-HARD".

Note: buying stuff that is TOO BLATENT, like HUGE EARRINGS can often come off as try-hard (for guys). If the only thing that's cool about your big earrings is the fact that they're big, it's probably try-hard. But if you're wearing them as a JOKE, then it says something about your personality - you don't take yourself too seriously.

So, i would advise learning the way i learned: look at cool guys, alpha males, guys that girls are into, etc. find the parts of their outfit or 'look' that you LIKE, and make it your own. You like some dude's shirt ask him where he got it. "Cool shirt, where'd u get it?" and go shop there. But don't just copy people for the sake of copying them - copy the things you LIKE.

Figure out what jeans people are wearing. Shoes, etc. Look at TV, magazines, whatever. These things are IMPORTANT to women (and to men). In fact, i advise getting some female friends and going shopping with them - or recruit the hot retail girls to tell you whether or not your ass looks good in those Levi's. Details, details.

Details are utterly important, because the moment you have one thing incongruent with the personality you're conveying via your words/nonverbals, it creates confusion for whoever you're interacting with.

I see guys who have ALL the 'player tools'. They dress like stars, they're in good shape, they have nice haircuts, they're reasonably naturally attractive dudes, they have nice cars, nice houses, etc. Yet their game is utterly LACKING.

Instead of being congruent with all these player tools they have, they're afraid to pull the trigger, afraid to be an alpha male, afraid to actually BE the guy that women want. They're satisfied with just LOOKING the part. What all that is REALLY saying about that person (and trust me, girls figure this out pretty quickly), is that the guy feels INADEQUATE without all of those things. He has a low sense of self-worth without all his material possessions. He derives his value from OUTSIDE himself. In other words, he's externally validated.

That's friggin WACK.

Meanwhile, we've all seen that cleancut UNATTRACTIVE guy who has the car, the clothes, *AND* the girl! What the hellllll? Clearly his game is congruent with his look. His avatar is congruent with his personality. It's NOT simply because he's spending all his $$ on her (unless she's a groupie, which DOES happen), it's because he has the confidence and means to have the player tools AND be the player.

Being broke is no excuse. Get a cool haircut, groom yourself. Keep your shit tight. I learned to use my hair-clippers so i cut my own hair. I line myself up almost every day. For me, haircuts are FREE. I pay no more than $10 for any t-shirt i own. $25-30 for button ups, $15-20 for polos, $30 for jeans, $20-50 for shoes, $50-$60 for a blazer. These are at DEPARTMENT stores, i OWN the clearance rack.

Checkout the thrift stores. I pay $3 for my ties at thrift stores. $6 for button ups, etc. It's ridiculous.

Try shit on. Half the time i don't even REALLY go shopping with people, i'll end up somewhere by myself because i insist on trying on my clothes, and this takes forever. However, i basically never have to return anything, all my clothes fit GREAT, and i like how they look. Every purchase is an investment.

Dress to match your body type. If you have no muscle definition you probably don't want to wear a lot of tight t-shirts - i'd go Polo or Button up. You can be skinny, but there's no excuse to not have some muscle definition. If you're a bigger person, don't be afraid to GET skinny - almost all of the 'sexiest men alive' are quite thin. Like ALL male R&B singers are skinny as shit. CUT, but skinny.

Justin Timberlake is NOT big/buff. Ray J is a SAVAGE, and he is NOT a big guy.

And remember - EVERYONE looks good in a blazer.

But meanwhile, there's no excuse not to get in shape. GET IN THE GYM. Commit to working out 3 days a week. Just DO IT. Ask yourself, what would an alpha-male do? He'd fucking work out. Working out should be congruent with your personality - you should be a guy with rules and standards. If you have standards you wouldn't let your health get out of hand. Working out also gets your sex drive and testosterone pumping. Girls can SMELL this shit.

Changes won't happen overnight, but remember, it's consistency of ACTION that's our goal. This is a LIFESTYLE.

Now listen, after saying all that it's important that you understand that none of that actually MATTERS.

This game is amazing because when you're conveying your personality, nothing else matters but what's inside YOU. You can be fat, ugly, gross, living with your mom with superman bedsheets on a bunkbed (actually that sounds kinda cool...) in a DIRTY house with no furniture. Whatever, none of that matters. I know of guys who have pulled girls back to such shoddy living arrangements and made it happen. I know UNATTRACTIVE FAT guys who have porn-style 3somes on a regular basis.

HOWEVER, they are working VERY HARD to do this stuff, or at least a lot harder than they have to. You don't have to work that hard.

Having your Avatar in order definitely helps. When you have all those other things working against you then there's that much more personality you have to convey - that much more game you have to spit. When your Avatar is congruent with your personality, your Avatar does the talking for you.

I can tell when i'm dressed right (congruent) because i can roll up to ANY girl and she'll immediately open right up.

And i don't want to hear "i don't give a fuck" as an excuse. You really don't give a fuck about yourself? Well, who the hell wants to date a person like that!

What would an alpha-male do? He'd take care of himself.

cheers!
JDanger