Friday, September 28, 2007

Danger's Guide to Women: If you're wondering what the hell's going on with that girl, here's your answer

Hi guys!

I've been going out like a MANIAC these past few weeks. 3-4 nights a week i'm out of the house, meeting new people, hangin out and partying. Good times. There's nothing quite like MASSIVE social interaction to learn about the finer points of how people interact, and in talking to so many people of late, i've started to notice a pattern emerging:

There are only a few types of women.

I've been able to identify 6 types so far, and every time i try and think of someone who might not fit into a category, lo and behold i can squeeze them into one of 'em.

1) Hired Guns
2) Groupies
3) Blossomers
4) Choosy Lovers
5) Nerds
6) Giggleboxes

Hired Guns: these girls are basically tired of being hit on. Many of them are cute and work at clubs. They get tired of guys trying to run game on them and your best bet is to communicate to them that you're very non-needy, genuine, and a giver of value. Make them smile a real smile, cuz they're tired of faking it.

Groupies: These girls are typically validation seekers.

Many of them think highly of themselves (at least on the surface) and constantly have an attitude that says, "and who the heck are you? somebody important?" They're entirely status driven. Best thing here is to be as alpha as possible and also to show the cocky and funny side of your personality.

Usually they end up with losers that drive escalades on rims and live with their mom.

Blossomers: These girls are up-and-coming. They want to explore their sexuality but at the same time they're not yet 100% comfortable with it.

Often this is a symptom of repressing their sexuality in their teens via things like religion, parental pressure, or peer group pressure to not have sex. They sometimes like to drink to quiet the evil demons of anti-slut-defense (ASD) that lurk in their minds. If *YOU* think that girls who have sex are slutty, guess what? They'll pick up on that in a heartbeat and no sex for you! They're looking for a guy who's a very sexual person and has enough comfort with sexuality for the both of them.

I'd say that the average chick you meet is most likely to fall into this category. These are the girls who go apeshit on spring break and often like to 'wait' or have a title before they have sex.

It's important to understand that they're going to test you HARDCORE before they go all the way with you. If you don't truly believe in sexuality in your heart of hearts, they won't let themselves go with you. They might SAY a shitload of things about not having sex with you, only having sex with boyfriends, waiting to have sex, etc etc.

It's bullshit. It's just a test.

You must demonstrate that you understand what her body wants and needs on a fundamental level and speak DIRECTLY to it. An example is Don Juan de Marco (eloquently played by Johnny Depp).

KNOW she wants to fuck you. And never waiver.

ok, next!

Choosey Lovers: These girls, or should i say 'women', are 100% comfortable with their sexuality, but they're also choosy. They're in touch with themselves and their bodies and they have a very mature attitude towards sex. These girls are often the most fun, because attracting them is all about being fun! Best thing to do here is just to banter with her back and forth, say random, funny shit. Do a little teasing. Party on! They like guys that are fun, attractive, and sexual - but they're also willing to turn out the male version of a Blossomer.

These are obviously my favs.

Nerds: Nerds are fun too, but for many guys these are also the most frustrating. These girls are interested in sex but they're literally clueless. Basically they have no idea how to be sexual - many times the result of being a somewhat awkward late-bloomer. They're often pretty, smart, and they can talk a LOT.

Guys get frustrated because they have no idea what to think; it SEEMS like she's 'ON' but there's basically no opportunity for you to get close to her and get sexual.

Hell, you can be sitting there having a freaky conversation about sex and nothing will come of it. Meanwhile the Average Frustrated Chump (AFC) sitting there talking to her has no idea how incredibly wet her love below is.

That's ok, these girls just need a little direction from an alpha-male. Escalate, escalate. In other words, CAVEMAN!

Gigglebox: Ah, the giggle box. Pardon me while i get psychological here, skip it if you want.

Begin psychological breakdown:

Giggleboxes can many times be 'conformers' in that they were thrust into a foreign and potentially hostile environment (like a pretty girl ethnic girl at an all-white school) and that's how they got by - they just giggled at everything. If they were NOT cute they might've been much more of an outcast at school. They had trouble making friends and so they often catered to their friends in order to keep them.

Their alert, logical brain often kind of retreats from reality similar to what happens with post traumatic stress, meaning they're not always all 'there.' This happens so our Gigglebox won't have a nervous breakdown from all the teasing and haterism. They often have trouble being assertive enough to say 'no' and can end up being more promiscuous by default. These girls have a deep, internal issue that needs to be resolved by finding and accepting themselves, their self-identity and their self-confidence. Therapy helps.

End psychological break down.

So, these girls might seem a little 'slow' on their feet, but they're usually actually very book-smart intelligent. Don't start off with super abstract jokes that reference things they'll have to think about.

Simple, silly jokes, and caveman.

They like guys that don't make them feel dumb, are fun/funny, and assertive with their sexuality. Make them genuinely laugh rather than that shit-eating 'lights on, nobody's home' giggle. You'll brighten up their day.

Most girls fall firmly into one of these categories and are NOT a mixture of them, so don't try to mix and match.

THERE! I said it, and that's the truth. Take it or leave it, this is what i've learned from MASSIVE SOCIAL INTERACTION. And now i'm going to go put on my tie of glory because it's time to bring the party to the bored, sexually frustrated public.


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